If You Love Me
by Niek
Summary: After Charlie's death, Bella makes the decision to stay human. So what will Edward do when time catches up with his Bella and she just can't go on any longer? Will he let her go? Can he? Please review. It's sweet and a tear jerker. : :D


**(A/N: This is a little one-shot that I wrote. I was just kind of sitting around when the inspiration for this hit me and I had to write it. … So… I did. :D I'll warn you all now that it's very sad I was choking up just writing it, so I better get some feedback after all of my hard work of having to sit through writing this tear jerker. :P)**

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**If You Love Me  
****-Niek-**

The autumn air was cool and crisp, blowing the fallen leaves to and fro across the ground in a lazy dance, twirling and spinning much like Alice tended to do. It seemed like such an innocent and simple act, the wind blowing through the leaves, but in truth it caused my dead heart to cry out with agony.

It seemed like it was eons ago when my beloved Bella and I had played so childishly in the leaves when fall had come to our home in Montana. But even though it seemed like too long ago, I remembered it with vivid clarity. She had been twenty-three when we'd moved to Montana. That was the year that Charlie had died and it was the year she told me she wanted to stay human. It was bitter sweet for me, knowing that she would never have to be a monster like me, but it pained me because I knew that one day I'd lose her forever. When Charlie had died, Bella was so distraught… It had been a routine day for him until he got a call of a robbery at the local gas station. As it turned out, a couple of kids from out of town had been looking for some thrills and one of them became trigger-happy when Charlie pulled up in the cruiser. He died instantly. Bella cried for hours, and nothing I could do to comfort her. No matter how much I consoled her, she would not quiet and her teardrops would not cease to fall. It was in the long hours of the night, when Bella was falling asleep in my arms like she often did, that she whispered so quietly to me her decision. She told me that she couldn't handle living forever and watching those around her die when she would never age. She knew that Renee would die. Phil would die. And with time, she knew Jake's time would come as well. It had been a miracle I had put off her change that long, but with that one incident, she was content to stay human.

With Charlie gone, Bella and the rest of my family moved to Montana. Forks held nothing and it was high time we left due to rising suspicions of our unchanging appearance. When fall came to us in Montana, Bella reveled in it. She was happy just to walk around on our two hundred acre spot of land and just play in the leaves. More than once did she make me pile up leaves only so she could fall in them and mess them up again. It was days like that that I hold on to now. Those were the good days, days when we couldn't be happier. Days when I never thought about what was to come in the future. But now it was the future and it was bleak in my eyes.

As I sat on the swing of our large house, watching the wind and the leaves, I heard Carlisle coming down the stairs, his footsteps heavy and slow. After a few moments, the screen door opened to reveal a sullen Carlisle; hands stuffed into pockets and his hair a disheveled mess.

"Any change?" I asked dejectedly, though already knowing the answer. There wouldn't be any change, and if there were, it wouldn't be for the better.

Carlisle shook his head and took a seat next to me on the swing and we sat there in silence for a long time before I spoke again. "She's not going to hold up much longer is she?"

"No, I'm afraid not, Edward. She's very tired and weak. Her old body can't hold up much longer. I'm sorry."

I didn't trust myself to say anything; afraid I'd break down, so I settled for looking down and absentmindedly playing with a button on my shirt. I had no idea what I would do when she was gone. She was my life, my everything. Sometimes I found it so hard to believe that I was worthy of such a wonderful creature as her. Even at ninety-two, she was still as beautiful as ever in my eyes. She was kind, and gentle, and always thinking of others before her self. She suffered through a terribly elaborate wedding just to make Alice happy and went to Dartmouth only to appease me. I wish now that I'd allowed her to have everything she wanted, to have everything her way. Maybe then losing her wouldn't be so hard because maybe then I'd know she'd lived a happy life. But I doubt that truly would have been the case because I was such a selfish creature at heart and I'd drown in agony when she died.

"You can go up and see her if you like," Carlisle said, startling me from my reverie. "She wants to ask you something… She was awake when I left her."

"Okay," I whispered quietly. I removed myself from the swing and left the peace of the autumn evening to venture inside. I slowly made my way up the stairs, passing Rosalie and Emmett on my way. Rosalie looked cheerlessly at me as I passed and Emmett wasn't much different in his demeanor. They all knew what was fast approaching, and while at first Rosalie wasn't exactly warm with Bella, the two of them grew to be incredibly close, even if it did take ten years.

After a few, quick and meaningless words with them, I continued on my way. I knew I was close to Bella's room when the smell of freesia and morphine met my nose. I paused outside the door, reluctant to walk in because I feared that she'd already be gone once I opened the door. But I knew better. I could still hear her faint heartbeat and the hums and beeps of the machine that kept her alive.

"Bella," I said softly once I got the nerve to walk in. She was propped up in the bed, with Alice sitting on the edge holding her hand. Bella smiled weakly when she saw me enter. Even now she took my breath away. Her hair was no longer lush and auburn like it once was but instead steely gray color. Her eyes, once a vivid brown were now dull and glossy due to her waning vision. Her skin was as pale as mine, but covered with deep wrinkles. But even with all of these flaws, she was still my Bella and my Bella could be no less than stunning in my eyes.

I took my place on the other side of her and gazed lovingly into her eyes. "How are you feeling today, love?" I lay down beside her, but careful not to touch her too much since she was even more fragile now that she'd ever been before. I took my finger and ran it down her weathered cheek, just happy to be able to touch her. I couldn't help but grin when I heard her heart flutter a bit.

Alice shot me a scolding glance. _It's not good for her for you to do that now. Her heart is weak anyway._ I frowned and put my hand back down to my side, but I still lay there beside her, my head sharing the pillow she was propped up with. I breathed in her wonderful scent, and even thought it was diluted with all the medications in her, it was still as mouthwatering as before.

"Please don't stop," she murmured sleepily, her eyes already drooping. She turned her head to meet my gaze and the corner of her delicate mouth lifted in an attempt at a smile. "I miss that," she added.

I shook my head. "No, Bella. Now's not the time."

She looked down in defeat and I felt like I was being ripped in two. I wanted to make her happy in her last days, but how could I if doing just that endangered her health. If only I could take her in my arms and hold her to me without worry that I'll break or bruise her. If only I could stroke her cheek without worry, or kiss her without a care. If only I hadn't been so stubborn and changed her before that whole incident with Charlie. If I'd actually changed her when I had said that I would.

"Edward," Alice said quietly. "I'll leave the two of you alone. There's something Bella wants to ask of you." I nodded as she got up soberly and left the room, closing the door with care behind her.

"Well, what is it that you want to ask me? Everyone's being so secretive about it," I questioned with a chuckle.

Bella sighed and closed her eyes and for a moment I wondered if she'd fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful. I wondered what it was like to be able to drift away into that eternal sleep… What it was like to be at ease…

"It hurts more and more these days," she said after a while, proving that she was indeed awake. "My bones ache and my vision blurs. Sometimes I have trouble remembering the simplest of things. Oh what I would give to be eighteen again. I would give anything to be able to be with you like I once was… To be able to be with you without fear of anything."

I laughed quietly. "You should have been afraid to be with me, period. And yet you weren't." I couldn't help it and I took my hand and began to stroke her face gently. She smiled when I did. "I would give anything for times to be that simple again as well…"

"But we can't turn back time, now can we?"

"No, we can't," I murmured as I began playing with her hair, twisting it around my finger in such a gentle manner as not to pull any of her hairs out.

"You know, some days I don't even feel like I can go on. Some days I wish that death would hurry and come so that I could finally be at ease."

"Don't say things like that," I implored, startled by her words. "You _can_ go on. You're a fighter, Bella. After all we've been through, you can't say that you don't feel like going on. That's not the Bella I know."

"Edward, just listen to me. Please. I'm ninety-two. Being ninety-two for me is a lot different than it was for you. I'm old, Edward. You should have left me years ago. But you didn't, and for that I'm glad. But the point is that going on is so hard. It's a struggle that I'm tired of fighting."

I stopped breathing and stared into her eyes. She stared back at me resolutely, infinite pain and sadness filling those dull brown orbs. "Don't say that," I whispered, horrified at what she was implying.

"Edward, you have to let me go. I can't keep pretending that things are going to get better. They're not."

"No… no…"

"Yes, Edward. Now, look at me. I need to ask you something very important." She closed her eyes and took a raspy breathe. All of this effort was putting too much of a strain on her. Far too much. I rose up and got to me feet and shook my head.

"You need you're rest, Bella. We'll talk about this some other time."

I turned to walk out of the room, but she stopped me. "Edward, please listen to me. Just hear me out."

I stood there facing the door, but I didn't move. I was afraid to. I was terrified.

"Do you love me still?" she asked after a brief pause.

I balled my hands into fists at my side and took a shuttering breathe. "Of course I do. You're what has kept me sane all these years. You're my world. Why do you even have to ask?" I did not like where this was going. Not at all.

"Because I want to know that you love me enough to do this one last thing for me."

I around and made my way back to the bed and got on my knees beside her. "What?" I asked.

"Let me go, Edward. If you love me, let me go."

I clenched my eyes shut and shook my head quickly. "No," I said. "I'll never let you go." I tearless sob escaped my lips and I placed my head down on her bed. The strong, immortal vampire had been brought to his knees by a human, and now he was even sobbing. What kind of monster was that? I shook my head again and now the cries would not stop. "I love you too much," I managed to say.

"Shhh," she whispered as she stroked my hair. "It's not like this is going to be a permanent goodbye. You'll see me again in time. When you finally do get your chance, you'll see that you really do have a soul. A beautiful soul. And then we can be together forever up there. Just you and me. There'll be no more death, no more pain, no more monsters. And then we can truly be happy. Just you and me…"

"It's not too late," I whispered, a thought coming to me. "I can change you right here and now. And we can be together that way. Just don't leave me," I choked. "I waited ninety years to find you and I'm not about to let you go now."

"Please," she whimpered, a tremor shaking her frail frame. "Let me go. Promise me that you'll keep going after I've passed on."

I was vaguely aware when the door opened and the rest of my family crowded in, standing solemnly behind me. "You still have Carlisle and Alice and Esme and Emmett and Rose and Jasper. You can't just abandon them. You're life isn't over yet. But mine is. Please, just accept that. If you love me, then let me go."

"I love you with all of my being. I love you more than life itself. How can I let you go when that means letting my life go with you?"

"Just remember that I'm not really gone. I'm just waiting in a different place for you."

I nodded and gripped my head in my hands. "I love you," I mumbled, my words disfigured by the bed I had my head on. "Please don't do this to me."

"Edward," Esme said softly. "You knew this was coming."

I turned and snarled at her, baring my teeth in anger at her. "Shut up!" I shouted. "Just shut up!"

I felt Bella's delicate hand on my face and she gently lifted my head up to me her gaze. "I love you," she whispered as she laid her head back upon her pillow. I heard her heart slow down.

"No, no, no no!"

"I love you…"

"Bella! Stay with me! Please! Don't leave me!"

"Edward," she breathed. "Promise me you'll keep living."

"Yeah, I promise,' I muttered as I took her hands in mine. "I promise. Anything for you. Anything."

I felt one of my family member's hands upon my shoulder, and slowly the others joined in until every one of them was comforting me.

"I- I'll be waiting," my dear Bella breathed before I heard the monitor beside me let off a shrill beep. I no longer heard the comforting beat of her heart and her hand was limp in my own. When I looked at my angel, she looks like she'd drifted off into sleep, but I knew better. She wasn't going to wake up this time.

"Edward," Carlisle said quietly.

"Leave me," I said, not looking at anyone but Bella. "Please," I added with a desperate tinge to my voice.

They obliged and one by one they filed out of the room until no one was left. I got up off of my knees and crawled back onto the bed and I lifted my Bella from the bed and put her into my lap. Gently, I cradled her head on my arm like and infant and began to rock back and forth as if I were rocking her to sleep and began to hum my lullaby as the flat line of the monitor rang out shrilly in the background, an awful reminder of the truth.

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**(A/N: Well, I'd love feedback. )**


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